Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.
Playfulness can improve your relationships, help you excel at work, and reduce stress. We explore a strategy shown to help you become more playful.
Episode summary:
Patricia Mebrahtu used to have so much fun as a child. Now, as a medical assistant and mother of two young children, she found herself feeling burnt out and irritable. For our show, Patricia tried a practice to infuse more playfulness into her life. From singing karaoke with her family to playing in the rain, she tapped into her inner child. Through this practice, Patricia recognized the importance of taking time out for yourself, and that she can carve out opportunities to have fun and be playful, even as a busy adult. Later, we hear from psychologist René Proyer about the different types of playfulness, and how incorporating play can benefit our sense of wellbeing.
Practice:
- Each day for a week, incorporate one playful activity into your routine – it can be anything you find enjoyable and playful.
- Every evening, write about the experience, and how it made you feel in the present moment.
Today’s guests:
Patricia Mebrahtu is a mother and medical assistant in California.
René Proyer is a psychologist from the Martin-Luther University Halle-Wittenberg.
Learn about René’s work: http://tinyurl.com/4sa9vye9
Follow René on Twitter: http://tinyurl.com/3x5986u6
Resources from The Greater Good Science Center:
Can We Play? http://tinyurl.com/prhv22rf
What Playfulness Can Do for Your Relationship: http://tinyurl.com/n9b3h7e4
Tuesday Tip: Play with Some Friends: http://tinyurl.com/mu837nwr
More Resources on Being Playful:
BBC - Playtime: Is it time we took 'play' more seriously? http://tinyurl.com/4jmx89vn
NYT - Why We All Need to Have More Fun: http://tinyurl.com/335z4bdu
Washington Post - Why it’s good for grown-ups to go play: http://tinyurl.com/5w8shent
TED - The Importance of PLAY in adulthood and childhood: http://tinyurl.com/4hsn9um4
How do you incorporate play into your life? Email us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or use the hashtag #happinesspod.
Help us share The Science of Happiness!
Rate us on Spotify and share this link with someone who might like the show: http://tinyurl.com/up29j8zk
Transcript:
Patricia Mebrahtu: When you're young, everything just feels like, you know, like, "Oh, this is the best time I'm having ever." When you're an adult, it's just so, everything's so laid out for you, so you're like, "Oh, man, is this fun? I'm not sure if this is -- am I having fun? Is everyone else having fun?
So Sunday, it was raining, Sunday night, and I was like let's go outside. Me and my husband we've been inside, we got a little cold and flu, so I'm like, let's go outside. It's a beautiful night. Our backyard is filled with puddles. I was like, "Let's just go."
We just played in the puddles and in the rain, you know. He was like dancing around and I was just running around got a little cold. So we came back in but I felt so rejuvenated.
Felt nostalgic. I felt like back when I was like eight years old, having the best time of my life with my friends. It felt like no one else was in the world, but just me and him having a good time and I love my husband's laugh So it was just nice to hear.
Shuka Kalantari: Hello and welcome to The Science of Happiness. I'm Shuka Kalantari executive producer of the podcast, filling in for Dacher Keltner. We're so excited to explore playfulness with you all this week because it's such an important thing that often goes unnoticed in our grown up lives. Research shows playfulness has some incredible benefits when we're playful or even just reflect on past times that we were.It does things like buffer our stress and cortisol response and help strengthen our relationships. Our guest, Patricia Mebrahtu, was not feeling the least bit playful. In fact, she was completely burned out, both by her job as a medical assistant and as a mother of two young boys. So she tried an exercise for our show to bring more playfulness into her life.
Dacher spoke with Patricia about how that went. We'll hear their conversation and also learn more about the science of playfulness from the psychologist who created the practice. We're going to hear about today.
René Proyer: One of the most important barriers to playfulness is that many people have a very narrow view on what playfulness is. But there are different approaches. Playfulness can manifest itself in different ways in your everyday life.
Shuka Kalantari: More playfulness after these messages from our sponsors.
Hey everyone welcome back to the Science of Happiness. This is Shuka Kalantari and today is all about the science of playfulness. Our guest Patricia Mebrahtu, was feeling burnt out and irritable. So for our show, she tried doing one new playful thing each day, whatever she wanted. And then she wrote about her experience as she went along.
This practice she tried is based on a study out of Germany that shows we can teach ourselves to be more playful and in turn enjoy some of the many rewards that comes with playfulness. Dacher spoke with Patricia about how her week of playfulness went. Here's a part of their conversation.
Dacher Keltner: Patricia, thanks so much for joining us on The Science of Happiness.
Patricia Mebrahtu: Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.
Dacher Keltner: You know, when we're burned out and stressed out, you know, we're just overwhelmed. We can go in a lot of different directions. We can try to practice gratitude or get outside. What made you choose playfulness?
Patricia Mebrahtu: I'm a medical assistant. We do various things, mostly cardiology and cardiology it can be really intense. I mean, it's the heart. So it was stressful. You know, you only have a staff of, what, five or six people and you have like a hundred patients that come in and each patient is complex and it's hard to give that time to each patient if you're, like constantly bringing them in and out and next, next, next. So it it's hard for almost six months now, I've been feeling like, you know, I'm doing more. I'm giving my all, but I'm just so tired. I felt like I was more irritable. I would come home, of course, and take it home with me. And it seemed like nothing made me happy. The things that I love to do, hanging out with my family, cooking, you know, watching a movie, I couldn't even enjoy it because I was just so stressed on, I have to go to work tomorrow and I need to get this and this done.
It translated in a way where I would get snappy with my children. You know, I was upset with my husband because I'm like, You're having such a great time at work. And I'm not. I believe I decided I needed more playfulness when my son told me that I'm not fun anymore. I'm like, ouch. Because growing up, I was so much fun.
I was always playful. So I'm like, What do you mean I'm not fun? It kind of hurt because like hearing a seven year old saying, I'm like, God, he's — he's spot on.
Dacher Keltner: For our show you tried this practice where for one week you sort of tap into like, this inner playful child in new ways each day. And then you write about it for 15 minutes at night. What were some of the things that you did?
Patricia Mebrahtu: Oh man, we did a lot from playing in the rain. Me and my husband. Yeah. Yeah.
Dacher Keltner: Did you get to play with those two sons of yours who are telling your mom? You look in burned out?
Patricia Mebrahtu: We did. We did. We did karaoke.
Dacher Keltner: No way.
Patricia Mebrahtu: It was around 6:30pm, we were cooking dinner and I was like, you know what, you know what I haven't done in a long time? We haven't done karaoke, so I'm like getting the kids ready, and I'm like you guys we're gonna do karaoke And they're like karaoke my oldest is like what is that? So like I'm explaining it to my oldest and he's like, "Mom you can't sing," and I'm like, "It's not about singing. It's just having fun." So he's like, okay. So I get them all in the living room. I get the microphone set up. My husband's like, what are you doing? I'm like, karaoke. He's like, "Uh oh." I love Michael Jackson. So I'm like, “It's gotta be a Michael Jackson song we're gonna do Beat It and then we're gonna sing Remember the Time.”
And we're starting and like in the moment, I'm just like, "Wow, like they're having a good time. We're having a good time. Normally I'm on the couch like, this is plan for next week. I didn't have to worry about that. I was there.
And my oldest is like, “Wow, mom, you're singing the song? You know the words?” And I'm like, “the words are up there. The words are up there.” But he's just like, in awe of me singing as I'm looking at him, and he's like, "Wow, mom, that felt like you sung that for me." I'm like, "Mom really loves this song," and I love karaoke because it's like another way to just be free and just, you know, you don't have to be good. It's not about being good. It's just about doing something you love.
Dacher Keltner: How did it change your relationship with them? What was it like for them to suddenly have playful mom around?
Patricia Mebrahtu: They loved it. My oldest was like, “We should do this more often.” He's like, “You just had so much fun.” And he's like, “You just looked so happy. “
Dacher Keltner: Did you feel like you're reclaiming something?
Patricia Mebrahtu: I do. I feel like my oldest is seven, so he really gets to step back and say like, Wow, my mom sings karaoke or she goes out in the rain.
So I felt like it just reinforced the fact that I can have fun and no amount of work is just going to beat it out of me. It felt refreshing. It just brought me back to when I used to do this as a child. It wasn't scheduled. It was unscheduled. It was just, We're doing this because we're doing it.
It wasn't something we talked about, planned on two weeks in advance. I didn't have to put a notice in writing. It was freedom. That's what was new for an adult. Because, you know, I call all the shots. I tell people, you got to do this, you got to do that. And, you know, redirect my children and my husband.
But as far as freedom goes, everything is kind of based on what everyone else is doing around me. So I got to experience that as an adult.
Dacher Keltner: I hear you. What was it like to write about your daily experiences of play? What did you learn?
Patricia Mebrahtu: I just learned that, how much detail I'm actually paying attention to. It's amazing, isn't it?I'm like, all of these things I can recall. Like, I can recall, like the rain dropping on my skin. I can recall, like, how my feet felt when I jumped in the puddles. It was definitely a breath of fresh air.
Dacher Keltner: It's so amazing because the, the work on play, you know, one of the things people talk about, or, you know, the scientists at play is, is you just like the detail of the moment is. It's astounding. It is. Like her husband's laugh and what else did you notice in writing about it?
Patricia Mebrahtu: It felt like I was in a dream, just the detail of all of it. I was writing, I noticed that I was able to even recall the moment like, like a movie. Even though it happened the night before or it had happened earlier in the day. I'm like, wow, I can just, it's like pressing rewind.
Dacher Keltner: Yeah, returning to the burnout and, you know, I mean the burnout and stress and overwhelm. I'm curious, and how did this week of play change that? What did you take from it? What's with you right now?
Patricia Mebrahtu: The biggest thing I think I would take from this is that we need those timeouts. And as an adult, you forget because you're like a well-oiled machine. You're like, work, home, sleep. Work, home, sleep. And you're like, "Wait. That's not all. There is more." So, I am going to take that with me into work. Like, I don't have to just be work or just be mom. I can also be Patty in between that.
Just taking those moments and really just realizing like, that is okay. I'm allowed to feel. I'm allowed to have fun. I'm allowed to laugh. And really remembering, like, it's okay. I don't have to do everything by the book, you know, you want to follow the rules, but it's not a race.
Dacher Keltner: So powerful right there. Did it kind of move into the dynamics with your husband?
Patricia Mebrahtu: Yeah, I felt like I brought my husband's giddiness, childness out too. I feel like for the most part, he's pretty giddy on his own, but it was just nice that he – I was able to help him and he was like, "Oh yeah, you know, I miss this. I miss us." He's like, "It feels like it's just us kids, us work. And, and I'm like, yeah, I know. And he's like, it was just nice that you came up with something and we just did it.
It's about letting go. It's okay to step outside that box if you feel it deep inside just do it. What's wrong with that? As adults we're like, "Oh, we're adults now we can't do this, and we can't do that." Why can't we though? I don't get it. So Why not?
Patricia Mebrahtu: I learned that even though I was at that moment burned out with work that I didn't lose too much of myself. I'm not going to lie. I was concerned that I lost a lot of who I was before work and the children. And I'm like, what if I don't know how to get back I'm like, "Oh my God. I don't know how to have fun. Where do I start?" But, um, slowly I just started, going back to, like, What is it that I used to love to do? So, and it kind of just brought me out of my shell. So, I would say, you know, It was just nice to know that I haven't lost who I was.
Dacher Keltner: I hear you. We need those reminders.
Patricia Mebrahtu: Yeah. My biggest thing is just remembering how much fun I can be and who I am.
Dacher Keltner: Patricia, this has been so illuminating. And thank you for being on our show and for the work you do.
Patricia Mebrahtu: Thank you. I appreciate this.
Shuka Kalantari: Hi, this is Shuka again. The new playful things practice that Patricia tried for our show was created by psychologist René Proyer. Up next, we hear from him about his research on playfulness and also how there's more than one way to be playful. All that after this break.
Welcome back The Science of Happiness. I'm Shuka Kalantari. Here's what we know about playfulness:
It seems to help us in the realms of work and school … Studies have shown that playful people are more successful academically, and they're better at navigating stress in the workplace.
Playfulness predicts humor, creativity, teamwork, and an appreciation of beauty. It's also great for forming and keeping healthy relationships.
René Proyer: In some cases if you think your partner is playful, that this also contributes to your relationship satisfaction.
Shuka Kalantari: That's psychologist René Proyer, he created the New Playful Things practice. And he wants to make abundantly clear that there's a lot of ways to be playful -- you don't have to sing karaoke.
There's the lighthearted, open kind of playfulness.
René Proyer: They would be able to see life more as a playground than a battlefield or something competitive and so on. So, lighthearted stance towards a life in general
Shuka Kalantari: There's also using playful ways to solve problems, what Proyer calls an intellectual playfulness.
René Proyer: And a way I live my intellectual playfulness is in analyzing data, for example. So trying new things and thinking about potential relationships that are in the data and then thinking, "Oh, what would happen if I do this?”
Shuka Kalantari: There's whimsical playfulness.
René Proyer: These are people who interests that are outside of the mainstream. That have peculiar observations and then can, for example, use them to create or experience humor.
Shuka Kalantari: And finally, there's playfulness directed at other people.
René Proyer: So playfulness in relationships. If you would playfully tease someone, for example or surprising one's partner with something unexpected. Must be nice, of course.
Shuka Kalantari: Point is, playfulness comes in all shapes and sizes.
Proyer has been researching playfulness for some time now, but he didn't know if we could train ourselves to be more playful, and if so, if we could reap the same benefits as people who are naturally playful. No one had tested it out yet.
So he did, by recruiting 533 adults online. They all tried techniques he created to inspire playfulness, just like the one Patricia did for The Science of Happiness.
René Proyer: We were interested in three things, their self reported playfulness, their happiness, and their depressive symptoms.
Shuka Kalantari: Some people were instructed to try one new playful thing each day for week. And each night to write about how that playful thing made them feel.
René Proyer: Our idea was, “Let's let our participants reflect on the joy they felt, or the satisfaction they felt."
Shuka Kalantari: What Proyer discovered was that, yes, we can do practices like the one we talked today to become more playful, and get benefits as well.
In fact, one month after completing this New Playful Things practice, people reported feeling happier, more playful, and said they experienced less moments of feeling down, not sleeping well, having a loss of appetite.
René Proyer: In short, our participants felt increased well being and ameliorated depressive symptoms after completion of the program.
Shuka Kalantari: So, even if you don’t think of yourself as a playful person, what Proyer's experiment showed is that you can teach yourself be, because techniques like the one he created really work.
René Proyer: I think playfulness is for everyone. That's the most important thing. It doesn't matter whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, whether you like to play with others, or like intellectual play alone. Opening your life to more play and playfulness is surely beneficial for many different areas, be it your social life, be it your innovativeness, be it humor. I think it's worth giving it a try.
Shuka Kalantari: If you have someone in your life who you think could use a little more playfulness, share this episode with them. It might help bring some more levity to their life.
And as usual, we’ve got a link to step-by-step instructions on how to do this New Playful things practice in our show notes.
Next time on The Science of Happiness, we explore a practice to help us feel more supported and cared for by others, even if we struggle to accept support.
I’m Shuka Kalantari, semi-filling in for Dacher this week. Thanks for joining us on The Science of Happiness. Our Executive Producer of Audio is me. Our producer is Haley Gray. Sound design is from Jennie Cataldo of Accompany Studios and our associate producer is Maarya Zafar. And our executive director is Jason Marsh. The Science of Happiness is a co-production of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center and PRX.
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