Why People Quit Religion—and How They Find Meaning Again

Religion has long been a central part of life for many. But recent trends in the United States have revealed that increasingly more people are leaving religion. By 2070, many project that Christianity will no longer be the majority religion in America. And among those who don’t identify as religious—called “nones”—more than three-quarters are religious “dones,” having left a religion they were raised in.

In other words, the landscape of religion is changing. People are walking away from religion and seeking new ways to find meaning, deepen connection, and experience a flourishing life. But why are people leaving, and what happens after they do?

In my recent book, Done: How to Flourish After Leaving Religion, I discuss these processes in depth. Whereas most other books in this area are autobiographical memoirs, Done weaves together cutting-edge data from empirical science with practical applications to directly help people who are experiencing religious change. Whether you have personally experienced a shift in your religious beliefs or behaviors, or know and love someone who has, learning more about these processes can help people navigate the change and build an authentic and meaningful life.

Why are people leaving religion?

The reasons why people leave are deeply personal, but research I’ve collaborated on suggests there are at least four primary motivations. First, some people leave because of cultural stagnation: They are getting more ideologically progressive, but their religious organizations are not. Often, people report intellectual reasons for leaving religion, or mention they simply outgrew their faith. Other times, respondents indicate that they cannot endorse the values of their previous religious organization, including their views on LGBTQ+ individuals, stances on gender or sexuality, or pervasive sexism and racism.

Second, some people leave because of religious or spiritual trauma or abuse. Some people have experienced this abuse firsthand, whereas others have witnessed people they love experience trauma. Still others have left organized religion because of abuses perpetrated at an institutional level (for example, by Catholic priests). For many, walking away is a bold act of courage.

Third, some walk away from their faith because of suffering. Many have been given “theologically thin” accounts for the existence of evil in the world or insufficient explanation for why adversity strikes. They cannot make sense of what they were taught and their life experiences, especially if their previous beliefs were framed in a just-world belief system, which teaches that people get what they deserve. After all, if life is fair, if something bad happens to me, does that mean that I’m bad and deserved it? Simplistic views of suffering can lead people to leave religion.

Fourth, some people no longer identify as religious because they find the label problematic. Some don’t like the term “religion,” and others no longer espouse the term “evangelical.” Especially after 2016, “evangelical” has taken on a new meaning. A recent poll indicated that more than 40% of self-identified evangelicals do not believe in the deity of Jesus (a longstanding central tenet of evangelicalism), suggesting that this has become a sociopolitical identity marker as well as a religious one.

And while there may be additional reasons why people leave, all of these reasons share a common underlying feature: They involve cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the disorienting feeling when our beliefs don’t line up with other beliefs or our actions. For many, what they believed could no longer fit with their experiences of the world. Although some are able to fit these discrepant beliefs into existing belief structures, if the discrepancy is too great, many will change their beliefs altogether.

The process of leaving religion

Just like the reasons for leaving religion are personal, so too is the process of leaving religion. Everyone starts from a different place, where religion means something different to each person. But for many, this process of leaving religion starts with religious deconstruction: People experience doubt around their beliefs, practices, and identity; begin to question their existing belief frameworks; experience a heightened sense of struggle and anxiety; and eventually revise their beliefs and identity into something that feels authentic. As one participant recounted:

When my great-aunt died I started to question my life, existence, and religion. I couldn’t understand why God would take away my aunt, among too many other things. I started to even question the existence of God. I eventually quit going to church, and thought about things on my own.

Many describe it as incredibly destabilizing, and it’s often lengthy and emotionally taxing. People can feel anxiety, guilt, anger, confusion, and fear, as well as awe, curiosity, and freedom. It’s a mixed emotional bag. And there’s no one single way to deconstruct, nor a rigid timeline for how long it takes. For some, it’s a years-long process, especially if religion was a central part of their identity for most of their life. One participant detailed this lengthy and emotionally challenging process:

I slowly watched my grandfather die of Alzheimer’s and Lewy body disease over the course of seven long and painful years . . . I stopped believing in a god. What god that I had grown up learning about could ever be real and allow those things to happen[?] This was seven years ago and I still haven’t been able to put myself back together.

Where people land when they revise their beliefs will play a large role in their future trajectory. If people revise their beliefs and identity and stay within the confines of a religion, they have undergone religious reconstruction. Although these beliefs are different, and their own identity has likely shifted, they haven’t walked away from religion. Many who reconstruct embrace more progressive or open views of religion; some switch religions entirely. Others report feeling more spiritually mature or say they have experienced spiritual growth. Although reconstruction can still feel destabilizing, it is often less so than it could be, as people reassemble some structures to provide them with security. For example, one participant captured this reconstruction, saying, “I don’t identify with or trust any churches, even though I still believe in God and Jesus.”

If people land outside of religion, they have experienced religious deidentification. They likely no longer identify as religious on at least one of four major components of religion. Some disbelieve in core tenets of their theological or religious worldviews. Perhaps they now identify as an atheist or agnostic. Others disengage from emotional connection with the divine or transcendent. Here, they may no longer experience a relationship with God, spirits, ancestor, or whatever they consider sacred and spiritual. Some discontinue following religion’s moral mandates on behavior that they once did. For example, they may abandon restrictions around food (like eating kosher) or sexuality (like purity culture or abstinence) and find new maps of morality. And others disaffiliate from their social communities that offered belonging. They may no longer attend mosque, church, or temple, and look for new sources of social support. For example, someone from our studies shared:

I was raised Catholic, but when I went to college I stopped going to church and realized that it was just no longer a part of my life. I replaced my time on Sundays by volunteering at animal shelters and found that to be more personally rewarding.

When people walk away, perhaps the biggest challenge to this process is a psychological phenomenon called religious residue. Religion is sticky. It lingers after people deidentify from it. People continue to think, feel, and act in ways that resemble their formerly religious selves. Put differently, even though people have moved on, religion persists. Your religious history matters, and it’s nearly impossible to simply walk away and make a clean break. Cognitively, religion has etched deep paths in people’s thinking, leading them to continue to think and behave in ways that are more strongly religious than people who have never been religious.

Behaviorally, religion often involves rituals that become habits, which are hard to change. Research has found that this residue shows up in values, morals, beliefs, and even how people spend their money. But it has also revealed that, with enough time, the residue decays. Eventually people adjust, though some residue remains.

Life after religion

After leaving religion, people often report a conflicting set of experiences. On one hand, they may feel more freedom and awe from seeing the world in a new way, untethered by their previous religious beliefs and identity. On the other hand, they may feel anxiety and fear from being untethered from such a security-providing worldview, and feel groundless and unmoored. They may feel anger toward their previous religious upbringing for decisions they made because of beliefs they no longer hold. They may feel guilt and shame for having believed, behaved, or identified in certain ways in the past. In short, they may experience a host of thoughts and feelings that can be hard to sort out.

Perhaps the most challenging aspect of navigating life after religion is coming to terms with some of life’s biggest questions, or existential concerns. Each human has to find some way of making sense of deep, pressing questions: Who am I? Am I all alone in the world? What is the meaning of life? What happens after I die?

Because religion used to answer these questions, those who have left religion are uniquely predisposed to anxiety around these concerns. Having had the answers and no longer being able to rely on them to provide comfort and security, religious dones feel a unique sense of loss that those who were never religious do not likely experience—not just a lack of presence, but a palpable loss or absence. If they were raised in a high-control, authoritarian upbringing, they might not have had the opportunity to develop the skills required to assemble a coherent worldview that addresses these ultimate concerns. If someone simply told you what to believe, you might be looking for that again. For religious dones, existential anxiety is usually quite high, and it can be incredibly unsettling.

Of course, this also takes place in the backdrop of navigating relationships with people who may not understand someone’s religious change, and striving to find a new authentic identity apart from religion. These are formidable challenges.

Finding flourishing

Many people continue to find religion to be a source of strength and meaning in their lives. But for the increasing number of those who do not, there are still pathways toward flourishing after leaving religion.

Some people may find it challenging to relate to friends and family who do not share their nonreligious identity. Many feel excluded and hide their nonreligious identity. This can be particularly stressful if religion is extremely important to someone you’re especially close to, such as a romantic partner. In these situations, setting (and holding) boundaries, interacting with humility, and leading with empathy are key. Remember, you once held similar beliefs, so treat them with compassion.

Some work lies in crafting a life and identity after religion. Here, the goal is to go past being defined by what you are not, such as non- or anti-religious, and move toward a sense of self defined by you are. Consider your core values and strive to align your life around these values, so you can live them out with integrity.

And some, though not all, find new pathways toward spiritual connection apart from organized religion. Some find transcendent meaning in nature, the cosmos, or other humans, or by living with integrity.

The process of leaving religion can feel isolating and lonely—but you are not alone. And it doesn’t mean that you have to abandon hope. Indeed, my hope is that each person will find a meaningful and flourishing life, with or without religion.