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When we feel cared for, our cortisol levels drop, we feel safe, and we handle stress better. Dacher leads a meditation to help us focus on the people who make us feel supported.
How To Do This Practice:
- Get Comfortable: Find a quiet spot. Sit or stand in a relaxed position. Take a few deep breaths to settle your body and mind.
- Think of a Friend: Picture a friend who has supported you. Notice how it feels to remember their care. What have they given you? Kindness, courage, laughter?
- Think of a Family Member: Now think of someone in your family (or chosen family) who’s helped you. What moment comes to mind? How did they support you? Name what they gave you.
- Think of a Mentor: Bring to mind a mentor or guide—someone who’s taught or encouraged you. How did they help you grow? What gift did they offer? Wisdom, strength, direction?
- Feel the Support: Picture all three people around you. Let yourself feel supported and held. Breathe in that sense of connection.
Related Happiness Break episodes:
Take a Break With Our Loving-Kindness Meditation: https://tinyurl.com/2kr4fjz5
A Meditation on Original Love: https://tinyurl.com/5u298cv4
Wishing Others’ Well, With Anushka Fernandopulle: https://tinyurl.com/jrkewjs8
Related Science of Happiness episodes:
Are You Remembering the Good Times: https://tinyurl.com/483bkk2h
Why Friendships Matter More Than We Think: https://tinyurl.com/y99tc9nm
Why We Should Seek Beauty: https://tinyurl.com/yn7ry59j
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Transcription:
DACHER KELTNER: Hi, this is Dacher Keltner. Welcome to Happiness Break, a series from the Science of Happiness where we take a few minutes in the day to do a practice that's been supported by science to find greater meaning and happiness and purpose in our lives.
Today we're gonna do a practice that you might call Circle of Care or Support, in honor of the philosopher Peter Singer from Princeton University, who wrote about expanding the circle of care in 1981. We know from the scientific literature that a sense of support really brings good things to us in terms of wellbeing.
Just feeling supported lowers levels of cortisol, it activates regions of the brain that bring us a sense of safety and then it helps us handle stress and feel greater purpose.
And expanding the circle of care or support makes us aware of all the people who are supporting us in myriad ways, from friends to family members, to mentors, strangers on the streets, acquaintances, and they do it in different ways and give us different things. And this practice is bringing that into our awareness in this moment, given all the scientific benefits of being supported.
What I'd like you to do is to find a place where you feel safe and comfortable. And settle into a posture of ease. You may be sitting or standing, but with a nice posture, rest your hands in a comfortable place. Let's take a nice deep breath in.
And breathing out.
Another nice deep breath in.
And breathing out.
Building on that, let's just shift our awareness around the body.
Breathing in, relax your shoulders and your face, your jaw, your brow.
And breathing out.
Just notice continuing this awareness of the body, if you can feel your pulse in your hands, getting ready for the circle of care.
On this next breath in, I'd like you to think of a friend who has supported you in your life in a way that prompted feelings of gratitude. A friend who has given you things that matter to you.
Calling this person to your mind, just think about how this person has supported you with words or a hug or material support in your work or your life.
Now, as we really consider this person, this friend’s support of you in your life, notice what feelings in your body this gives rise to as sensations, maybe a warming in the heart or an ease in your muscles. A smile.
Notice where your mind goes as you reflect on this friend who has supported you strengthening your circle of care. Do you think about other things this person's done, their face.
And now just reflect on this friend's place in your life, and name as if you're writing it down on a piece of paper, what they've given to you. Is it freedom or strength or kindness or courage?
Now think about a family member or a member of your chosen family who has supported you in your life in a way that brings gratitude to you right now. Think about a family member.
And although families are complicated, we can find support there. And think about how this family member has supported you with words, maybe a knowing or kind look in their eyes, a call on the phone or a text. How has this family member supported you?
And as you consider this family member's support of you, just notice what feelings this gives rise to in your body. Maybe a little tearing in your eyes, even. A little warmth, the relaxation, sense of being held or embraced. Think of that moment of support from your family member.
Now step back and reflect on what this family member does in your life, what is their role in your life? What have they given you, and just name that. Could be love, or strength, or defiance, or irreverence, humor, what have they given to you?
Finally, as we expand our circle of care and support, think about a mentor in your life. Someone who's not part of your family or friendship circle who has taught you things, given you things, guided you in ways. Teacher, coach, pastor, minister, rabbi, somebody out there who has mentored you.
Now think about how this mentor has supported you in your life in ways that make you feel appreciative and grateful right now.
Consider how this mentor has lifted up your life and supported you. Maybe encouraging words or an opportunity or piece of wisdom.
And notice when we think about this mentor's support – what feelings, sensations, thoughts, images, arise in your mind?
And now reflect on, what has this mentor given to you? What is their role in your life? Where have they guided you to and name it.
Maybe a specialty in work or a spiritual path? Or an idea about the world? What have they given to you?
Thank you for joining me on this Happiness Break. I'm Dacher Keltner. If you'd like to learn more about the research behind why feeling supported is invaluable for our health, check out our show notes wherever you're listening right now.
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