Ruth Bettelheim, Ph.D., has been a practicing psychotherapist, marriage and family counselor, and lecturer for over 40 years, and has taught courses on child development at the Claremont Graduate School and the California School for Professional Psychology. Her essay was written with the input of her two children, Aurelia and Matthew Flaming. It was adapted from her contribution to the essay collection What Makes a Man, edited by Rebecca Walker. Used by permission of Riverhead Books, an imprint of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.