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Love Defined

What Is Love?

Love is at the heart of the human story. It connects us to each other, drives us to nurture and protect, and gives richness and meaning to our lives. Though love can feel like a mystery—a force beyond science—research reveals its deep roots in our biology and its core role in our survival as a species.

While romantic love often steals the spotlight, it’s just one piece of the puzzle. Love comes in many forms—compassionate, companionate, love for family, friends, and even strangers—each serving a unique role. What unites them is that they all involve:

  • a deep, unselfish commitment to nurture another person’s well-being—even to put their interests before your own;
  • emotional, cognitive, and behavioral dimensions—they involve our feelings toward others (in a fleeting moment or over long periods of time), our perceptions of them (we really see them), and actions we take to support them or express our care for them.

In that light, love doesn’t just give us warm feelings and inspire affection and devotion. It also helps us bridge divides, cooperate, and promote collective well-being. Love is key to leading a flourishing, meaningful life—and it comes in many varieties:

  • Self-love rests on three pillars: Self-contact means paying attention to yourself; self-acceptance is embracing all parts of yourself—strengths and flaws alike; self-care turns this awareness into action toward nurturing your well-being. Researchers distinguish self-love from narcissism or selfishness.
  • Romantic love is described as a dynamic blend of three elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion fuels the initial spark and physical attraction between partners. Intimacy builds the emotional closeness and trust that bind partners together, creating a sense of shared connection. Commitment ensures the relationship’s longevity by solidifying dedication and partnership through life’s ups and downs.
  • Familial love is the deep, enduring love shared among family members, particularly between parents and children, often rooted in selflessness and sacrifice. Researchers view this love as instinctive and deeply tied to our evolutionary history, growing naturally through shared experiences, familiarity, and mutual dependence.
  • Companionate love is a steady, enduring love built on intimacy, commitment, and mutual care. It’s the warmth of deep connection, the security of unwavering support, and the quiet joy of shared lives. Found not only in partnerships like marriage but also in friendships (also referred to as philia), neighborly ties, and even workplace connections.
  • Compassionate love centers on feelings and behaviors of caring, concern, and tenderness toward others, regardless of whether you are related to them or believe that your care will be reciprocated. It is closely linked to the concept of altruistic love, a deep desire to help others without expecting personal gain or anything else in return.
  • Loving across differences is based on research on intergroup relations showing that we can bridge boundaries by expanding our sense of self to include others—even those we see as different from us. A key step in this process, called “self-expansion,” broadens our identity to encompass the identities and perspectives of other groups.
  • Love of strangers and humanity is a universal love that transcends personal ties, embodying care for all. Rooted in empathy and feelings of connection to our shared human family, it inspires selfless action to ease suffering, protect rights, and foster global kinship. The related concept of “agape” is unconditional and boundless love—love beyond race, creed, or circumstance, celebrated in world religions and deeply tied to compassion and altruism.
  • Love of animals, nature, and the sacred. Love of animals and pets reflect our deep connection to other living beings, fostered through care, adoration, and companionship. Love of nature (biophilia) awakens awe and gratitude for the natural world, grounding us in our place within it. Divine love, a transcendent bond with the sacred or spiritual, offers profound meaning and connection beyond the self.

Evolutionary scientists see the origins of love as an integral part of our adaptive success as a species. As Anna Machin writes in Why We Love, “Love stems from cooperation, and cooperation is our route to survival.” Love didn’t just appear as a romantic ideal; it evolved as a powerful motivator, driving early humans to form lasting social bonds, protect one another, and create communities that ensured survival. Those capable of love forged the connections necessary to thrive, pass on their genes, and shape the future of our species.

This perspective suggests that love is not simply a feeling—it’s a core biological drive that fundamentally shaped who we are today.

 

What are the Limitations?

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Why Practice Love?

Love may have played a vital role in our evolutionary history, but why does it matter for our lives today? It can seem light and pleasurable but lacking real weight—the stuff of pop songs and romantic comedies. Yet research suggests its impact is varied and profound, extending well beyond our close relationships.

Physical

  • Longevity and health: Loving relationships aren’t just heartwarming—they’re life-sustaining. Research has found that people with loving social relationships enjoy longer lives and are less likely to face premature death.
  • Heart health: Recent researchshows time with romantic partners is associated with reduced markers of cardiovascular disease, underscoring the heart’s literal and figurative connection to love.
  • Protection against pain and stress: Feeling loved and truly understood doesn’t just lift our spirits—it can lessen the experience of physical pain. One study found that people who felt compassion for others experienced lower blood pressure and reduced stress hormones—showing how caring deeply for others can boost our own physical health.

Psychological

  • Mental health: Loving, secure relationships are associated with better mental health, including lower rates of depression and anxiety. Compassionate love—both giving and receiving it—significantly enhances emotional well-being in older adults.
  • Psychological flourishing: The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has tracked participants for over 80 years, found that the single most powerful predictor of a flourishing life wasn’t wealth or career success—it was love.
  • Reduced substance abuse: In Indigenous communities, love—expressed in rituals and relationships—has been associated with lower rates of alcohol abuse, suggesting that love has the power to uplift individuals and protect them from self-destructive behaviors.
  • Love’s best friend: Couples who bond over their pet dog report greater relationship satisfaction, closeness, and empathy, as caring together for their pet becomes a shared act of love.
  • From parents to kids: Positive interactions between parents don’t just stay between them—they spill over, shaping their children’s lives by strengthening emotional resilience, social skills, and even academic performance.

Community and nature

  • Bridging social divides: Compassionate love helps reduce prejudice and build empathy and acceptance of people from different backgrounds, such as immigrants.
  • Fostering cross-racial connections: In a study where Black and white participants shared personal stories with one another in response to increasingly intimate questions, they reported higher levels of compassionate love for each other, especially when each of their romantic partners was present.
  • Love of humanity: Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson argues that cultivating “weak ties”—even something as simple as sharing a smile with a stranger—can nurture feelings of love for all of humanity. Research suggests that loving romantic relationships and marital satisfaction can motivate partners to connect with other people and contribute to society.
  • Witnessing love inspires a love for nature: Watching acts of compassion and kindness does more than just lift our spirits—it widens our circle of care to encompass the planet.

 

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How Do I Cultivate Love?

Research has started to identify some important factors and techniques that can help people feel loved and behave in a more loving way.

Nurturing Love in Kids

  • Nurture secure connections:  When a child’s relationship with a parent or caregiver is characterized by trust, emotional safety, and consistent care, they are more likely to develop a secure attachment style—a strong foundation for love in the rest of their lives.
  • Dedicated attention: Research shows that caregivers working in settings with smaller adult-to-child ratios or can engage in more nurturing, responsive, and emotionally supportive interactions.
  • Alloparenting: Caring and advocating for children beyond one’s own–known as “alloparenting”–not only provides valuable support to parents but also nurtures kids’ resilience and talents.

Strengthening Romantic Relationships

  • Help each other feel heard: Active listening means truly hearing and understanding your partner’s needs and emotions.
  • Share exciting experiences: Couples who share thrilling experiences feel closer and more satisfied, as these moments foster self-expansion, broadening each person’s sense of identity and connection by incorporating new aspects of their partner’s world.
  • Practice gratitude: When people experience gratitude for kind things their romantic partner does for them, they feel more joy and connection in their relationship, creating a positive cycle that brings partners closer together.

Bridging Divides Between Groups

  • Recall acts of compassionate love: Studies show that recalling such moments of compassionate love can shift perspectives, fostering greater warmth and acceptance—even toward those outside our familiar circles.
  • Share personal stories: Research shows that sharing personal, emotionally authentic details with someone from a different background builds warmth and compassion, creating positive feelings that extend across racial and cultural lines.

Boosting Love in the World

  • Cultivate self-love: This tiny but powerful “micropractice” invites you to place your hands over your heart or belly while offering yourself loving thoughts, such as, “How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?”
  • Practice meditation: Practices like lovingkindness meditation boost generosity and goodwill; compassion meditation dissolves “us vs. them” barriers; and “appreciative joy” helps us celebrate others’ successes, growing love and connection beyond familiar circles.
  • ​​Foster love through media: Music and stories with messages of kindness are more than entertainment—they’re catalysts for love and connection.
  • Use a photo: Research has found that adding a simple photo of a person to a story of need—like a picture of a child in need of medical care—increases generosity far beyond what other identifying details can achieve.
  • Find common ground: Even small commonalities—like a favorite team, shared perspective, common goal, or moving in sync—can unlock our natural compassion and generosity toward others.

 

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