Your self-compassion score is 0 out of 60, indicating that you tend to be self-critical, get caught up in your emotions, or feel isolated during moments of pain or difficulty.
You're not alone. We often judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others, especially when we make a mistake or feel stressed out. That can make us feel disconnected from others, unhappy, and even more stressed.
Rather than harsh self-criticism, a healthier response is to treat yourself with compassion and understanding. According to psychologist Kristin Neff, this "self-compassion" has three main components: mindfulness, a feeling of common humanity, and self-kindness. Research suggests that people who treat themselves with compassion rather than criticism in difficult times experience better physical and mental health.
Fortunately, self-compassion is a skill that you can develop. Here are some research-tested exercises from our website, Greater Good in Action, that might help you treat yourself as you would a good friend.
- Self-Compassion Break: Think of a situation in your life that is difficult and is causing you stress. Say to yourself, "This is a moment of suffering." Next, say to yourself, "Suffering is a part of life." Then, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch on your chest, and say, "May I be kind to myself." You can substitute whatever phrases feel natural to you to convey these sentiments. This practice can be used any time of day or night.
- Self-Compassionate Letter: Writing in a self-compassionate way can help you replace your self-critical voice with a more compassionate one—one that comforts and reassures you rather than berating you for your shortcomings. First, identify something about yourself that makes you feel ashamed, insecure, or not good enough. Write down how it makes you feel. Then try expressing compassion, understanding, and acceptance for the part of yourself that you dislike.
- Treat Yourself Like a Friend: Reflect on how you would respond to a friend who is suffering: What would you do and say? How does that compare to the way you treat yourself when you're suffering? This can remind you that you are also capable of being kind toward yourself—and that you deserve compassion, too.
- Common Humanity Meditation: Recognizing our common humanity means acknowledging that we are all humans, facing some of the same problems. We all experience suffering and stress, loss, and pain. We all want to be loved and experience contentment. Listen to this guided meditation created by Sean Fargo, a former Buddhist monk, to not only improve your relationship with yourself but also help build compassion for others.
- Fierce Self-Compassion Break: When we are hurt or suffering, it can help to soothe ourselves with warmth and acceptance. But in many situations, we also need to protect ourselves: to speak up, say no, draw boundaries, or fight injustice. Think of a situation in your life where this is the case. Say to yourself, "This is not OK." Next, say to yourself, "I am not alone; other people have experienced this, as well." Then, put a fist over your heart, as a gesture of strength and bravery, and say, "I will protect myself." You can substitute whatever phrases feel natural to you to convey these sentiments.
