VIDEOSBridging Differences for Teens and Parents

Scroll down for a transcription of this video. 

Meeting and having conversations with unfamiliar people can lead to a range of emotions–it can be exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. Teens may be drawn to try to understand the perspectives of people who are different from them because they value bridging differences but feeling anxious can get in the way. As parents, we can help our teens learn to navigate emotions by practicing “acceptance” of challenging feelings that can come up when they meet people who are different from them.

In this video, Matt takes a first step to talk with his teen Luna about navigating emotions through acceptance. Acceptance involves being mindfully aware of emotions and physical sensations by purposefully paying attention to your present inner feelings and your body without getting hung up on judging them.

Learn more about this "Navigating Emotions" practice and others with step-by-step guidance at our library of research-based practices to support teens to learn how to bridge differences.

This is the forth video in our "Parenting to Nurture Skills to Bridge Differences" series.

Facilitator | Dhaarmika Coelho, Founder of Camp Kindness Counts
Production Company | Anaconda Street Productions
Partners on the Bridging Differences Parenting Practices | Generation Citizen and Making Caring Common

Transcription

MATT: My name is Matt. My daughter is Luna. She is 17 years old. I love my daughter. She is very headstrong, very independent already, very smart.

LUNA: My name is Luna. I like drawing. I like board games. Going out with friends, video games, fashion, makeup.

MATT: I try to be understanding with everything of hers. The thing that I do wrong with our communication-- the big problem is I tend to cut her off, more because I know where she's going with it.

LUNA: And I get mad at him every time for it because I don't know what he thinks I'm going to say, but most of the time, he's wrong. And it just makes the situation worse because then I get mad at him and then he's getting mad because I'm getting mad at him.

MATT: She'll call me out. She'll say, "Dad, you're still not listening", or she'll roll her eyes. That's probably the biggest call out right there, is the eye roll.

LUNA: I would love to improve our communication.

DHAARMIKA: Matt and Luna have gone through a D as parent and teen, but also just as individuals. And they both are each other's motivation. I'd like to invite you both-- but maybe with you, Matt first. As we're exploring our emotions and talking about them, can you think of a time that you felt really nervous in a situation. And I'd like to invite you to share that with Luna.

MATT: Yeah, OK.

DHAARMIKA: Matt takes a first step to talk with his teen, Luna, about navigating emotions through acceptance. Acceptance involves being mindfully aware of emotions and physical sensations, by purposefully paying attention to your inner feelings and your body without getting hung up on judging them.

MATT: When my dad passed, I was really young-- I 13 years old and I shut myself off. If it wasn't for my daughter, I don't think I would have wanted to connect to anything or anyone again. But when I knew I was going to be a dad, I knew I had to. And I did. And it's helped me out a lot, especially like anywhere. I just can-- I communicate and I can connect with people. And if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have.

DHAARMIKA: I see you smiling.

LUNA: That was heart-touching.

DHAARMIKA: Yes.

During this activity, parents can guide their teens to reflect on questions like what do I notice in my body? How are these sensations related to emotions I am feeling? Can I make space to allow my emotions just to be?

Do you want to ask Luna if she has ever felt nervous--

LUNA: Yeah, I do.

DHAARMIKA: And how she was able to navigate those emotions and accept them?

MATT: So how about you, Luna-- what in your life has made you super nervous or super scared, and how did you work past it?

LUNA: I think-- OK, I know. I know people have made me nervous. They still do. But I'm there, so I just live through it, deal with it, learn how to read people so I know how to communicate with different types of people. So it's not just a specific person I can talk to-- it's everyone.

MATT: The only thing we all have in common is our emotion. As the one thing that is constant between human to human and to human is that we all feel.

DHAARMIKA: Yes.

MATT: Now, it may differ on what we feel, but we all feel.

DHAARMIKA: I think when Matt and Luna navigated their emotions through that practice, they learned a lot about themselves. They got closer. They understood each other better.

LUNA: I realized how much he's affected my life. I really see it more than I did before.

MATT: I learned a lot about my child, that I didn't know how much she really listens to what I'm teaching. Most of the time, I think because she's a teenager, it's just went in one ear, out the other kind of deal.

[LAUGHS]

But no, a lot of it's sticking.

LUNA: Learning how to navigate emotions with my dad helps me navigate emotions with others, because it's easier to practice with family than it is with random people, because random people won't understand it like family does.

MATT: Love you, sweetie.

LUNA: Love you.