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In this gentle practice, psychologist Kristin Neff helps us extend loving kindness inward, offering ourselves the same care and goodwill we naturally give to others.
How To Do This Practice:
- Settle into your body: Sit comfortably, close your eyes if you’d like, and take a few natural breaths while noticing the weight of your body in the chair and your feet on the floor.
- Bring to mind someone you love easily: Think of a person or pet you care about deeply and picture their face. Notice the natural warmth and goodwill you feel toward them.
- Offer them wishes for well-being: Silently repeat phrases such as: May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you be free from suffering.
- Include yourself in the circle of kindness: Imagine yourself beside this loved one and extend the same wishes to both of you: May we be safe. May we be peaceful. May we be healthy. May we be free from suffering.
- Turn the kindness fully toward yourself: Let the image of your loved one fade and focus on yourself. If it feels comfortable, place a hand on your heart or hold your hands together, repeating: May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I be healthy. May I be free from suffering.
- Rest in whatever arises: Let the phrases go and sit quietly for a few breaths, noticing any feelings that are present—warmth, discomfort, or neutrality—and meeting them with gentle acceptance.
Listen to the Full Practice Here: https://self-compassion.org/practices/loving-kindness-meditation-2/
Today’s Happiness Break Guide:
Dr. Kristin Neff is an associate professor in the University of Texas at Austin's department of educational psychology. She's also the co-author of 'Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout,' which offers tools to help individuals heal and recharge from burnout.
More Happiness Breaks like this one:
A Self-Compassion Meditation For Burnout: https://tinyurl.com/45vpp3f4
The Healing Power of Your Own Touch: https://tinyurl.com/y4ze59h8
Take a Break With Our Loving-Kindness Meditation: https://tinyurl.com/2kr4fjz5
Related Science of Happiness episodes:
Why Compassion Requires Vulnerability: https://tinyurl.com/yxw4uhpf
The Science of Letting Go: https://tinyurl.com/566t8udf
The Contagious Power of Compassion: https://tinyurl.com/3x7w2s5s
We’d love to hear about your experience with this practice! Share your thoughts at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or use the hashtag #happinesspod.
Find us on Apple Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/2p9h5aap
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Transcription:
DACHER KELTNER: Welcome to Happiness Break, a series by The Science of Happiness, where we guide you through practices to help you find more meaning, kindness, and connection in your everyday life. I'm Dacher Keltner.
Loving kindness is the contemplative practice of cultivating unconditional, active goodwill by meeting others with friendliness, care and a sincere wish for their well-being. We're joined by Kristin Neff, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, and a trailblazer in the field of self compassion. She's going to walk us through a brief loving-kindness practice, but one that is centered on the self various studies, including research by Kristin herself, show that regardless of age and gender, being kind to oneself is connected to less anxiety, depression and stress, and it can make us feel more resilient, motivated, and feel compassionate towards others when you're ready. Here's Kristin.
KRISTIN NEFF: Hello. So this meditation is designed to make it a little bit easier for you to access loving-kindness for yourself. So please close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so, or cast your eyes downward and turn your attention inward, starting by just noticing your body right here and right now, feeling your feet on the floor and feeling the weight of your body on the chair, let your breathing be relaxed but normal.
And I would invite you to call to mind an image of someone that you really love, someone with whom you have a very easy, uncomplicated relationship where there's not a lot of drama or conflict. This might be a friend that you just love dearly, a grandchild, might be even a pet, for instance, or someone who's easy to feel loving kindness toward. Call the image to mind. Imagine what it feels like. You see this person's face, and think how much you would want naturally for your loved one to be happy and well and so we're going to say some words that express our wishes for your loved ones, well being. Something like may you be safe, may you be peaceful, may you be healthy, may you be free from suffering.
You can use these words, or maybe your own, that feel a little bit more natural for you, but we want our words to capture your deepest wishes for the well being of your loved one.
And now I would invite you to add yourself to the circle of goodwill. So imagine yourself with your loved one, include yourself in your mental image. You with your loved one, and also include yourself in your good wishes.
May you and I be safe. May we be safe. May you and I be peaceful, may we be healthy, as healthy as possible, and may we be free from suffering. And now letting the image of your loved one go, maybe thanking them for their presence, but allowing your full focus to be on yourself. Right here and right now, and if you want, you may want to put your hands on your body, over your heart, or giving yourself a hug, or even just holding your hand, but in a way so that you feel your own physical presence, feeling the warmth and gentle pressure of your hands on your body, and see if you can visualize your whole body in your mind's eye, perhaps also noticing any stress or uneasiness that you may be feeling and offering yourself these wishes of goodwill. May I be safe, as safe as possible. May I be peaceful, may I be healthy, as healthy as I can be, and may I be free from suffering, may I be safe, may I be peaceful, may I be healthy, and may I be free from suffering.
And then just taking a few breaths, letting the phrases go, keeping your hands on your body and just resting quietly in your own body, accepting whatever your experience is as it is. If you're feeling some loving kindness, can you savor that? If you aren't, can you have some compassion for that?
Loving Kindness isn't about good feelings, it's about Goodwill. And when you're ready, please slowly open your eyes.
If you enjoyed this practice and you'd like to go a little deeper into loving kindness, I actually have a 20 minute loving kindness meditation on my website, which you can listen to for free, and the link is in the show notes. Thank you.
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