Can Adults Learn to Be Playful Again?

Imagine that after work, a woman decides to take her dog to the park. Although rules mandate that pets must be leashed at this hour, she decides it will be fine to let her dog roam freely since the park is mostly empty. Before long, the dog becomes distracted by a group walking across the park and dashes toward them.

Horrified, the woman worries the dog will jump on them and that they will judge her for breaking the rules. To her surprise, the group is not upset at all. Instead, they smile and say, “Thank you for letting us share in your dog’s joy.” If you imagine yourself in this situation, what would you notice first: the joy of the dog or the violation of the rules?

That’s an anecdote shared in Playful: How Play Shifts Our Thinking, Inspires Connection, and Sparks Creativity, by Cas Holman. This kind of story raises an important question about the lenses adults use to navigate the world. Our daily experience is shaped by what we look for: If we remain open to joy and lightness, we are more likely to see them. But if we have lost the ability to embrace playfulness, we may instead become preoccupied with fear, judgment, and self-criticism.

Holman, a toy designer, educator, and “play expert,” suggests that embracing play can act as a metaphorical filter that helps adults see the world more positively. She argues that rediscovering play allows us to reconnect with our authentic selves and navigate adulthood with greater freedom and happiness. In her words, “play is a necessary nutrient for us to survive well and not be toxic to one another.” Adults can reclaim a sense of “free play” by following three key steps: embracing possibility, releasing judgment, and reframing success.

Her book makes the case that cultivating playfulness has meaningful emotional, social, and developmental implications for individuals of all ages, despite popular belief.

How adulthood pushes play away

Holman begins by describing why adults need play. As we grow older, we become goal-driven and efficiency-oriented to the point that “we run past the roses.” Obligations related to career, family, and achievement often make adults overly self-critical and preoccupied with failure.

Yet Holman argues that play is a primal instinct, as fundamental as fear or desire. Children naturally engage in play in ways that reflect their personalities and preferences. From a developmental standpoint, play supports creativity, curiosity, and learning; these are qualities that adults also need but tend to suppress.

She also notes that a lack of play can have profound consequences. Holman references the case of Charles Whitman, the mass murderer at the University of Texas, Austin, whose childhood was notably devoid of free play. While not suggesting play alone prevents harm, she highlights how environments without play can contribute to emotional disconnection.

Conversely, play often serves as a therapeutic tool in moments of fear and trauma. After 9/11, for instance, therapists encouraged children to use toys, such as planes and buildings, to process their anxieties. Similarly, children with cancer often respond better to treatment when laughter and play are integrated into their care.

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Despite these benefits, adults gradually shift away from play. Holman explains the tension between the “play voice” and the “adult voice,” noting that during adolescence and emerging adulthood, we become increasingly conscious of how our behavior is perceived. By adulthood, opportunities for free play are severely limited.

Certain forms of structured play, such as video games, drinking, sex, and sports, persist into adulthood, but Holman argues that these do not fully capture the exploratory nature of free play. Rules and social expectations introduce pressure rather than freedom. To counter this, she proposes different styles of adult play: problem-solving play, like escape rooms, embodied play, like dancing, and misbehavior play, like harmless pranks. She emphasizes that adults often have more room for play than they realize.

How adults can reclaim play

In the second half of the book, Holman explains how adults can cultivate what she calls the “playful mindset.”

The first step, she argues, is to embrace possibility. That involves choosing to engage in play and lightness, even when others may not. It requires stepping back from rigid thinking and allowing space for abstraction, unfamiliarity, and rediscovery. When we open ourselves to new experiences, we regain access to the parts of ourselves shaped by curiosity.

The next step, releasing judgment, is equally important. Adults often worry about whether they are playing the “right” way, but Holman emphasizes that there is no correct way to play. Children form identity through exploration, and the same is true for adults. Holman’s toy “rigamajig,” a “glorified pile of construction debris” that can be assembled in infinite ways, illustrates how freedom from boundaries encourages creativity. Releasing judgment also includes questioning social norms, creating before critiquing, and flattening hierarchies that limit autonomy.

The final step, reframing success, involves shifting from a fear-of-failure mindset to one centered on learning. Holman discusses Anji Play, an educational approach from China that encourages children to explore, take risks, and reflect on their learning rather than their performance. Adults, too, often value perfection over curiosity. Holman encourages embracing failure as part of the creative process, citing Thomas Edison’s remark that he simply discovered “10,000 ways it doesn’t work” on the path to inventing the lightbulb.

In Playful, Holman encourages adults to re-engage with their inner “play voice” and to reconnect with the joy, exploration, and imagination of childhood. She argues that “play can encompass and amplify all the things that make us human: our sense of self and identity, our ability to connect and collaborate, and the complexity of our beings, environment, society, and world.” Ultimately, her work suggests that playfulness is not merely enjoyable, it is essential for well-being, growth, and meaningful connection in adulthood.