Greater Good

Virtually all of us have been touched by the recession in one way or another. Money troubles are stressful for everyone involved, including our kids. Here are some quick suggestions for positive ways to cope with a difficult economy:

1. Remember that materialism is not a happiness habit. Use this time to embrace the non-materialistic things in life that do bring happiness, like family dinners at home. This is also a great time to combat entitlement with gratitude.
2. Practice hope. Although despair might come more naturally when we are struggling, remember that optimism is a skill that we can teach children. Difficult times offer more opportunities to model and practice seeing the glass half full.
3. Embrace challenge as a way to grow together. As our family has cut back our budget dramatically, the kids and I are having fun seeing where we can save money. This has made us more resourceful, disciplined, and less wasteful—all things that are happiness habits both for our family and for the planet!

If you are really feeling stressed economically, a huge body of research shows that reaching out to others can make us healthier and happier. One study showed that people with financial problems who provided social support to fellow church-goers were buffered from the stress of the economic strain, while people who received the support were not. And helping others will often undo the physiological damage that stress does to our bodies. So although we might feel like we need to hunker down and take care of ourselves most when we are feeling economic strain, helping others is sometimes the best way to help ourselves.

The Recession and Our Kids

© 2009 Christine Carter, Ph.D.

Selected References

Fredrickson, B. L., R. A. Mancuso, C. Branigan, and M. M. Tugade. "The Undoing Effect of Positive Emotions." Motivation and Emotion 24, no. 4 (2000): 237-58.

Kasser, T. "Frugality, Generosity, and Materialism in Children and Adolescents." In What Do Children Need to Flourish? Conceptualizing and Measuring Indicators of Positive Development, edited by K.A. Moore and L.H. Lippman. New York: Springer Science + Business Media, 2005.

Krause, Neal. "Church-Based Social Support and Mortality." Journal of Gerontology 61B, no. 3 (2006): S140-S46.

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1. Replace Your Kids' Annoying Behaviors with Happiness Habits

   Some of the most irritating things our kids do (whining and tattling come to mind) are nothing more than bad habits, and as we all know, bad habits are tough to break! Science has shown that people who are successful in making changes do it in 5 very specific stages.

   Happiness on Auto-Pilot
   Why rewards are rewarding
   The stages of change
   Lapse & Relapse

2. Nip Materialism in the Bud
   

   As we emerge from a season of gluttony and consumption, let's refocus our kids on the things that really do create happiness.

   Video: Materialism v. Altruism
   How Do You Really Feel About the Holidays?
   Happiness is being socially connected

3. Teach Your Kids How to Fight

   Conflict is entirely necessary for intellectual, emotional, and even moral growth. However, kids don't know how to settle disputes constructively until we teach them.

   Conflict: It's a Good Thing
   10 Steps to peace in your household
   Marital Fighting Posting
   TV Clip: How to Fight with Your Co-parent

4. Foster Forgiveness

   Unforgiving people tend to be hateful, angry, and hostile—which also makes
   
   them anxious, depressed, and neurotic. So unless we are okay with our children embodying those qualities, we need to teach them how and why to forgive others.

   Forgive… And Feel Happier

5. Eat Dinner Together

   Even if you are crazy busy, eating together is important for kids' success and happiness. Mealtime can be a routine rich with meaning that combines the basic human needs of emotional nurturance and physical nutrition.

   Video: The Value of Family Dinners – Part I
   Video: The Value of Family Dinners – Part II
   What Kids Learn During Family Meals
   Making Mealtime Worth the Effort

6. Cancel Your Cable

   Television brings little or no benefits, but it replaces activities that do make kids happier, healthier, and smarter.

   Video: Turn Off the Boob Tube
   How Much "Screen Time" is Too Much?
   Play and Academic Success

7. Cultivate Creativity

   Contrary to popular belief, creativity is more skill than inborn talent, and it is a skill parents can help their kids develop. Because it is a key to success in nearly everything we do, creativity is a key component of success and happiness.

   7 Ways to Foster Creativity in Your Kids
   Play and Academic Success
   Video: The Power of "Child's Play
   

8. Just Say No to Perfectionism

   A lot of people incorrectly assume that perfectionism propels kids to the top of their class, their teams, and eventually their fields. But to the contrary, research shows that perfectionism tends to detract from success.

   Perfectionism is a Disease
   How Parents Can Propel Their Kids Towards Perfectionism
   How to Help Undo Your Kids Perfectionism
   TV Clip: Letting Go of Being Perfect

9. Be Like Obama: Breed Hope

   Optimism is so closely related to happiness that the two can practically be equated. And guess what? Optimism is a teachable skill.

   Raising Optimistic Kids
   The Benefits of Optimism

10. Consciously Practice Gratitude

    I think this is the most important happiness habit in the history of the universe.

    Video: How Not to Raise an Ungrateful Brat
    Gratitude is an Attitude
    Teaching Gratitude in a Culture of Entitlement

    Speaking of gratitude: I am very grateful to have completed my first year as a blogger! Writing this blog is among the most satisfying things I've ever done, and so I'm so thankful to all of you who read and comment and ask questions. I am also eternally grateful to Kelly Corrigan, who helped me launch Half Full in late 2007 (see these videos).

    My New Year's Resolutions? One is to do a better job responding to your emails and questions. So send 'em my way!

    © 2008 Christine Carter, Ph.D.

    Join the Campaign for 100,000 Happier Parents by signing this simple pledge.

    Become a fan of Raising Happiness on Facebook.

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    Sign up for the Raising Happiness CLASS!

Though this is a stressful time of year – this year perhaps more than ever – it is finally time to kick back and enjoy our families over the holidays. Two things to remember:

1. A crazy pile of presents isn't going to make your kids lastingly happy, so let it go if that last gift you ordered online never came. (Or if you weren't able to buy gifts this year.) Kids who focus on materialistic stuff aren't as happy as others, and they are more likely to get sick and have behavior problems. Use this time to refocus kids on the things that really matter.

2. Time with you, their loving and joyful parents, IS quite likely to contribute to their long-term well being. What kids really want, and need, is your love and attention. (Yes, even your moody teenagers.) The holidays spawn loads of family traditions—baking cookies, picking out a tree, caroling, parties to catch up with people you love, watching Christmas specials on TV, lighting the Menorah. Family traditions and togetherness DO offer lasting happiness. Social scientists have studied this specifically, and they've found that the people who spend more time with family (and also those who have more religious experiences) during the holidays are happier than those who focus on gifts.

If you are a part of the 1 million plus people loving Kelly Corrigan right now (because you watched the video in my last posting about strong women), you'll like this holiday video about her family's holiday traditions. (I'm it in too, espousing the science of raising happy kids over the holidays.)

How to Make Your Holidays Happy

© 2008 Christine Carter, Ph.D.

Join the Campaign for 100,000 Happier Parents by signing this simple pledge.

Become a fan of Raising Happiness on Facebook.

Follow Christine Carter on Twitter

Subscribe to the Happiness Matters Podcast on iTunes.

Sign up for the Raising Happiness CLASS!