Greater Good

Welcome to our second summer book club meeting, a discussion of Raising Happiness prompted by Katy Keim of BookSnob.  We are posting Katy’s review of Raising Happiness chapter by chapter each Thursday. This book club first ran on Motherese, so you might want to check out the comments there, too, or Motherese blogger Kristen’s related posts.

Even if you aren’t reading along, we hope you’ll join the conversation.  What came to mind as you read the chapter being discussed, or Katy’s review?  You can subscribe to the comments thread for each posting and jump in.

Chapter 2: You Can’t Do Happiness Alone.

By Katy Keim

Katy Keim

This entire chapter was, for me, a no-brainer. If I start to feel blue, one of the first things I know I need to do (besides exercise!) is connect with someone that is important to me—make a phone call, have coffee, see a neighbor. It’s reflexive.

Carter tells us in Chapter 2 that the strength of our social relationships will make us happier people. We can encourage our kids to be happy by helping them build social rapport with others and teaching them how to resolve conflict. Plus, we need to cultivate a sense of kindness in our kids. This basically adds up to ensuring that we are raising socially intelligent little creatures.

I don’t know about you, but I did get a bit bugged in this section as she outlined ways for “Dad to be more involved.” In my house, Dad is very involved and I somehow felt protective of him—like it belittled him and/or was insulting. Did any of you feel that way?

Chapter 2 A-ha Moment: Don’t over-reward helping behavior.

In our house, we are sometimes caught in the infinite, annoying loop of rewarding desired behavior (clean your room and you can have dessert!). Carter reminds us that it’s simply okay to expect certain behaviors. I want to start setting an expectation that kindness is a default setting that our family operates by. No surprise, they need to see me acting on this myself.

Discussion questions:

▪ What A-ha moments, if any, did you have while reading Chapter 2?
▪ What new approaches will you try this week because of your reading?

Links to related motherese postings:

Katy’s original review of Raising Happiness
If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

© 2010 Christine Carter, Ph.D.

Follow Christine Carter on Twitter

Become a fan of Raising Happiness on Facebook

Welcome to our first summer book club meeting, a discussion of Raising Happiness prompted by Katy Keim of BookSnob.  We’ll be posting Katy’s review of Raising Happiness chapter by chapter each Thursday; I’ll be moderating the discussion thereafter. This book club first ran on Motherese, so you might want to check out the comments there, too, or Motherese blogger Kristen’s related posts (this week see this post).

Even if you aren’t reading along, we hope you’ll join the conversation.  What came to mind as you read the chapter being discussed, or Katy’s review?  You can subscribe to the comments thread for each posting and jump in. 

And now, I turn it over to Katy!

Want Your Kids to Be Happy? You Go First.

By Katy Keim

In Chapter One, Carter, thank God, gives us permission to take care of ourselves. First. This isn’t just a selfish act. It’s critical to the success of raising happy kids.

“Do as I say, not as I do.” That was a favorite phrase of my own parents, but the research tells us humans are built for mimicry. If we act anxious or dissatisfied, our kids will sense that and imitate it, no matter what we tell them. So those of you who have been reading books like The Happiness Project or going to that well deserved yoga class or meeting friends for cocktails, good for you. You are modeling for your kids what makes you happy and showing them that you are committed to it.

Chapter 1 A-ha Moment: Fighting fair. Carter tells us that how we have conflict and eventually resolve it is critical behavior to model for our kids.

Now, I have a pretty darn good marriage, but all I could think of is the handful of times hubby and I have had a disagreement which created a chilly atmosphere, only to let it “blow over” in a day or so. There is rarely a public apology or making up. We often just wear it out rather than work it out.

Chapter 1 describes how kids often think they are responsible for the conflict and it causes them stress. Showing them how you make up relieves them of this anxiety AND shows them how to fight fair. Good stuff. Score that in the column of things to improve.

▪ What A-ha moments, if any, did you have while reading Chapter 1?
▪ What new approaches will you try this week because of your reading?

Links to related motherese postings:

Katy’s original review of Raising Happiness
If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

© 2010 Christine Carter, Ph.D.

Follow Christine Carter on Twitter

Become a fan of Raising Happiness on Facebook

This summer, as we try to unplug a bit, I’m hoping to do a bit more reading.  If you were thinking of reading my book Raising Happiness this summer, I welcome you to join our summer book club, run by Katy Keim of BookSnob.

This book club commentary and discussion first ran on Motherese, so you might want to check out the comments there, or Motherese blogger Kristen’s weekly posts related to the book club.  Here’s how we’ll be hosting the club: Each Thursday, we’ll post Katy’s review of the week’s chapter, followed by a discussion question or two. 

Even if you aren’t reading along, we hope you’ll join the conversation by responding to the postings.  What came to mind as you read the chapter being discussed, or Katy’s review?  You can subscribe to the comments thread for each posting and jump in.

Starting next week, we’ll discuss Chapter 1, then go from there, one chapter per week. This might seem like a pretty slow way to get through a book this summer, but Raising Happiness really isn’t one of those books that is meant to be read and acted on all at once.  Better to discuss one concept at a time. 

Next week at this time, we’ll get started.  So head to your local library and check out a copy of Raising Happiness, or buy a copy here and a portion of the proceeds will go to the Greater Good Science Center.

© 2010 Christine Carter, Ph.D.

Follow Christine Carter on Twitter

Become a fan of Raising Happiness on Facebook